active vs. passive

Recently, I've been seeing a counselor. You may, or may not, have known that - I think it's the first time that I've mentioned it here. It's been incredible to have someone to talk to that can both remain objective and provide great insights into life, the universe, and everything.

Yes, that is a Douglas Adams reference.

One of the very cool things that I've been able to realize deals with the difference that the results of activity vs the results of passivity. She gave me a great example. She said that she recently had a client, a male, that would frequent bars and would "go home" with whatever woman would give him any attention. What he realized is that he would never be happy as long as he was passive - waiting for someone else to act - because they were making the "selection" - not him. He wasn't having the opportunity to find the woman that he wanted . . . he was waiting for the right one to find him. He was always the one being picked - never getting to the the picking.

In my life, the things that I am happiest with are the things that I have selected - that is, the things that I know are right and good and so I've taken action to bring them into my life. For example, my marriage. I am very happy in my marriage, because I was active in building the relationship. Another example: school. I am very happy with what I am studying in school because I selected it, it's EXACTLY what I want to do.

When you're passive about moving towards things, you're essentially letting someone else pick the details of your life. For me, much of my life has been lived passively . . . those things that I didn't actively choose, but rather just let happen, are the things that are most frustrating.

So, I'm done with just letting things happen. I will be actively choosing the next years of my life, in concert, of course, with my wife and my God. But it was an incredible lesson that I am happy to have learned!!!

Grace,

Des